Being A Bad Blogger

FullSizeRender.jpg.jpeg

Ever click on someone's post and their first sentence is of them apologizing for their lack of posting and/ or online presence? I feel like I read that line at least once a week. From my favorite ~bigger~ bloggers to my blogger besties who live down the street from me. I know I was a victim to it for a while. Especially last summer where I barely wrote a single post. Whoops. 

After constantly apologizing about my lack of postings, I sat back and thought why wasn't I posting more often? If I'm apologizing for it, I obviously feel bad about it and don't want to do it again. Right? That's the gist of apologizing. Sure, I lack the time to do it full time. But an entire month without writing anything and posting? Why was this happening?

It came down to a number of things which were all connected to one another in some shape or form. For starters, blogging is a highly over saturated field. There are hundreds of thousands of people trying to make it in the blogging world. It's really the new form of advertisement for the millennial generation.

Sometimes I kick myself that I didn't start a blog in high school, instead I spent time posting my #ootd's on tumblr. But then, I stop and think how I met some of my closest friends through tumblr. I've gone to college with then, had drunken wine nights and, spent five hours on the phone with them discussing everything from international relations to boy drama. So I didn't waste my time on tumblr no matter what my mother thinks.

In addition to the oversaturation of the field a ton of people are able to blog full time. It's their one and only job. And they're killing it. I blog when I can, usually while binging whatever is the new latest tv show. And I found myself comparing myself to all those women. I looked at how stunning their pictures were. How witty their captions were. How they were getting to collaborate with my favorite brands. I knew I wasn't standing out.  I just didn't feel good enough. And what does a type A perfectionist do when they aren't perfect? They stop. I put it off. 

Comparing myself to others was and still is my biggest problem and flaw. I'm still trying to tell myself, hey you don't blog full time and it's ok. You don't need to partner with Nordstrom to have good content. It's ok if that blogger society told you you weren't good enough because your pictures aren't taken with a fancy camera. It's fine if you can't make it to the blogger event because you're working in the ER until 1am or trying to finish your thesis. It's ok. Everyone is different. 

And with all that comparing blogging wasn't fun for me anymore. I felt pressured to make a post about what to wear on NYE. I didn't want to write that post. I'm pretty sure I wanted to rant about being forced to be at my family's party instead of seeing my boyfriend at the time. But I knew that a post about missing my boyfriend was not going to be as well received as a post about my leather leggings and sparkly dresses. So blogging started to become a dreaded school assignment rather than a fun hobby. 

What am I going to do about this? I'm taking a step back. I'm never going to apologize again about being a bad blogger anymore. About not posting enough. About not being active on instagram for two weeks. For posting something politically controversial because as a blogger I should only care about or write about J.Crew's newest line. Because that's not inspiring to me. I'm going to write what I want to write about. When I want to write about. And I'm definitely not going to stress anymore over being able to afford a $700 camera for ~high quality~ pictures and, keep snapping with my iPhone7 because if that blogger clique doesn't want me in their gang, that's fine. 

I think a lot of mine and a lot of other people my age's self worth is tied to what others think of them. Does your boss like you? Do your coworkers think you're annoying? Does that girl you met at happy hour think you're a complete loser and so forth. But I'm going try my best to take a deep breath and take a step back from all of that. And march to the beat of my own drum because that's what is going to make me the happiest. 

What inspires you? Have you ever been in a slump? 

xx